A festival of colours (& blood)

I like all colours except Red. Red represents evil. Red represents my wife.

It was an auspicious day of Holi, and an unfortunate incident happened in our house. I stopped talking to my wife. Coming from a society where everyone worships women, feeds them, and treats them as a child-generating machine, I would never make that mistake, but I did.

It all started when I came back from the office early. I threw my office bag on the couch, not worrying about the damage it might do to the company asset inside the bag. I believe in tit for tat because my company never thinks about the damage it might do by underpaying me. Selfishness has peaked, I guess. Nevertheless, my anger was peaked. In the meantime, my lovely wife came from her second home, the kitchen. She wore an apron with “MY HUSBAND IS MY WORLD“ printed in all caps. She was holding a glass of water in her right hand because we have a rule in our house: drink eight glasses of water daily. For her, it’s eight glasses of BLOOD. Sometimes, I wonder, “Do I even deserve this much love?“ Then I kept that thought to myself because if I asked, the answer would be NO from the rest of the world, but my wife would only say YES. She should say yes; otherwise, who would feed her Panner Tikka every Sunday? I saw that her left hand was empty. I don’t like her hands empty. I filled her left hand with my world’s best-smelling socks and politely ordered her to throw them in our laundry bag. She bowed down and went for it with a big smile. Meanwhile, I settled in on the couch. The couch is my control room from where I take charge of our house, like ordering dinner, dessert, and her love. She came back in a jiffy.

Then, she followed her routine questionnaire. “My love, what would you like to eat for dinner?“ I wanted to take her name. But I realised I was mad at her. So, without showing my real intentions, I kept quiet. Meanwhile, someone knocked on our door. I looked at her. “I’m going.“ She said. “You, better.“ I replied. However, we have already agreed that I can dominate her when I’m mad at her. Initially, my proposal for dominance was for 24 hours, but she said, “You’re not a natural dominator.“ To which I agreed and settled for 24 minutes. But now I’m realising how hard it is to dominate in a relationship. My respect for her keeps increasing minute by minute, but I can’t show that to her either, as I had yet 2 minutes left to dominate.

She opened the door. And immediately closed it. I would rather say, slammed on the face of whoever was outside. And came back to me like an adoring two-year-old baby girl comes to her mother for more milk. I got worried. “Who was it?“ I asked. “None of our business.“ She replied. Someone knocked even harder this time. Her face immediately turned from an adoring two-year-old baby girl to a ruthless 30-year-old killer. I got worried again. I did not want another murder in our society in two days. Yeah, she casually murdered one aunty who casually joked about having me as her husband in her next life, as her current one wasn’t submissive to her. My wife is made of another material. The material that does not tolerate anyone who wants me. She got up. I held that exact right hand that used to give me water. “Let me check.“ I said. She looked at the clock. “30 seconds are left for you to dominate our relationship. I will respect my word.” She replied. I got scared. “You should.“ I replied while shaking.

I opened the door. There she was. Our new neighbour is from a new city. She was 33(ish), married to a dominating husband. How do I know, you may wonder. I know because we have a thin wall and I used to hear her husband talking about who would dominate today in bed. And his wife used to always say, “Baby, can you please dominate today. I’m tired of wearing this strap-on every day.“

As soon as I opened the door, she painted me red with Holi colours. And then said, “Happy Holi!“ “Why are you hiding in the house today? Let’s play with colours.“ She added, which she should not IMHO. She also tried to grab my hand and drag me with her, but the exact right hand of my wife stopped that from happening by holding the neighbour’s hand in between. It felt like a 90s Indian television episode. In my head, that scene played three times back to back. “Unfortunately, we only play with BLOOD, and at the moment, my husband is not thirsty. Right?” She said. “Yes, of course.“ I replied. Had I any other choice? Obviously not, as my 24 hours of domination in our relationship were finished. It was all hers now, as it had always been.

“No one can save the neighbour. She did what no one should have done. She flirted with me. She got comfortable with me. More importantly, she touched me. How can she? How can anyone? That too, without my permission?” These were some of the thoughts of my wife, I can tell. She pushed the neighbour out of the main door. “I will play today with you. Be ready.“ My wife said and shut the door on the neighbour’s pretty, horny face.

Everything went back to normal. We had our dinner and went to bed. I couldn’t hear a single word from our neighbour’s room. I thought that because of what had happened earlier today, the neighbour might have been upset and not in the mood to do anything that day. I focused on my wife. I begged her to be merciful. Begged her to be gentle. Begged her not to be ruthless. To our neighbour. “Ohh… baby, what are you talking about? I won’t do anything to her. Chill.“ I know her chillness. It’s not chill at all. She quickly closed her eyes. She was already in her dreams. The scary dreams that come true. I was helpless. I couldn’t do anything but wait for the next morning for someone to break the unfortunate truth to the world of the passing away of our neighbour in an unfortunate accident.

I woke up the next morning. A bit late. My wife was already in our living room, watching news on TV: “On the festive day of Holi, a 33-year-old woman, reportedly living with her husband in a well-established residential area, was found dead under mysterious circumstances.“ The anchor on TV said. “In a shocking discovery earlier today, authorities found a woman’s right arm severed from the shoulder. Investigations are currently underway to identify the victim and determine the circumstances behind this gruesome incident.” My wife laughed out loud. “Gruesome incident? It was fun. Happy Holi!“ My wife roared. I ignored it and went back to sleep.